Weekend Edition: The many Beards of Wall Street
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7. International Flavors & Fragrances Inc. (IFF)

It is no stretch to state that in order to have a proper Flavor Saver, you first need some flava' to be savorin'. That is where IFF comes into our list. This company uses both natural and synthetic compounds to make sure that the "smoky goodness" in your favorite jerky reminds you of fun camping trips, and not the time you volunteered at that homeless shelter.

6. AT&T Inc. (T) - AT&T makes our list simply because of telephone inventor, Alexander Graham Bell's impossibly cool beard. I can only imagine some of the first test phone calls on the newly invented telephone:

(Phone rings in old timey way)
Bell: Hello?
Assistant: Good god, I can actually hear your beard's coolness, talk about clarity.
Bell: I told you to stop that, it makes me uncomfortable.

WILDCARD ALERT!! Alliant Techsystems (ATK)

ATK supplies the ammunition and gun systems to our boys in Iraq. When America found Saddam Hussein, the first thing we did was strip him of his beard. Genocidal maniacs have neither the right nor the moral fiber to wear a beard. In fact, he only got away with it by hiding in a dark hole. Protection of international beard integrity is a leading indicator of future beard popularity, and our actions in this regard were decisive and swift. Chamber another round of beard justice with ATK!

5. Freeport-McMoran (FCX)

Have you ever seen a gold prospector without a beard? I haven't. Gold prospecting and beard wearing have gone together like sluice boxes and rusty knife fights since 1848. The boys at FCX excavate copper and gold on a scale that would make Sutter's Mill look like finding a penny on the bathroom floor at Waffle House. Recent commodities weakness has hit this stock hard, but as the old prospecting adage goes, "If you were my friend, you wouldn't be stabbing my mule." Sage advice, old timer, sage advice.