Weekend Edition: The many Beards of Wall Street

"There are two kinds of people in this world that go around beardless-boys and women, and I am neither one." - Old Greek saying

According to Wikipedia, having a beard has implied many things about a man over the course of history - including "wisdom, sexual potency, or high status, but also a lack of cleanliness and refinement, or an eccentric disposition." I'd like to think Abraham Lincoln possessed a little of all of these traits. Alas, beards have fallen from grace in modern society. Like a heavily cyclical industry, society's acceptance of facial hair has proven to have peaks and valleys. Currently, we are in a deep valley. Modern beard wear has been cast to obscurity, now only appearing on college professors, commercial fisherman, eccentric professional athletes, and Larry Ellison. Astute investors know that when particular asset classes fall out of favor, it is time to buy. Accordingly, this weekend edition of The Stockmasters ranks the top 10 beard-related stocks in the S&P 500.

10. Yum! Brands, Inc. (YUM)

YUM's portfolio of brands includes KFC, and no talk of KFC is complete without a discussion of one the most venerable beard pioneers of all-time, Colonel Sanders. So unique was the Colonel's beard style, that it could not be classified accurately in any beard category catalogued during his prime. So what about Pizza Hut and Taco Bell you may ask? Does YUM still deserve a spot on this list when considering the other brands in the portfolio? Take a trip down to the local Pizza Hut, and you tell me. What's that you say? Wall to wall Bud Light soaked beards? That's what I thought.

9. PACCAR Inc. (PCAR)

PACCAR designs and builds heavy duty diesel trucks under the Peterbilt and Kenworth brands. Anyone who has driven cross-country knows that truckers do three things well: spotting smokies, putting together an impenetrable convoy, and showcasing the proper wearing of a good ol' fashioned road beard. As long as there are trucks on the road, there will be midnight convoys of chin-straps, balbos, hulihees, van dykes, and soul patches.

8. eBay Inc. (EBAY)

If you would like two hours of unbridled fun, go ahead and enter "beards" into the eBay search window. From maintenance, to dyeing, to an unbelievably hilarious 1997 Ken doll with a goatee, beard aficionados come here for their souvenirs and practical items. Look to eBay as one of the first beneficiaries of the eventual resurgence of domestic beard popularity. In case you were wondering, bidding has ended on "Pretending-To-Like-Nirvana" Ken. Winning bid: $4.12.